As you can guess by the title, this post is all about mental health. I’ll preface this in the obvious way, by saying that I’m not a doctor or mental health professional, but a mid twenties (or is 26 late twenties?!) woman with quite a bit of lived experience.
I’ve been dealing with periods of poor mental health for over a decade now, but in the past year i’ve learned quite a lot about how to live well with a brain that doesn’t always want you to, and so I wanted to share them, because I wish I’d have had these healthy coping mechanisms in my mental first aid kit sooner. Obviously, this isn’t a substitute for real life medical advice, and if you need immediate help you can contact mind, Samaritans or 999, but here's what is really working for me right now.
1. Positive Routines
Ahh, the thing cognitive behaviour therapy seems all about. When i first had CBT at 16, I didn't find it helpful or see any real benefit in it. I just wanted help with how numb and sad I was, not a reminder that taking a shower may help me feel better. This time round, nearly a decade on, I learned that although you can't change that first spike of intense sadness, you can help yourself to cushion the blow. My morning routine looks something like this. 6:30 - Walk the dog, 7:00 - turn on Zoe Ball's BBC Radio 2 breakfast show to listen to while I shower and get ready. 7:40 - downstairs to have breakfast and read for a bit before I start work. I've done this routine enough times to know it makes me feel good when I'm not depressed, so when I can feel these feelings creeping around the corner, I know this tried and tested routine will help me feel a little bit more even. If i feel like this in the middle of the day or the evening, I know i need to get out for some fresh air, and do something i enjoy, that uses enough brain power to distract myself. Sometimes I paint, or draw or more recently i've started baking. It's not about the end result, it's more about the process. You can't be on your phone or think about your sadness when you're doing something that requires precision. I'd highly recommend developing a positive routine, or at least figuring out the simple pleasure of day to day living that make you feel good.
2. Friends you can really TALK to
Friendships are a strange thing if you think about it. You can know someone for years and only graze the surface of their soul, exchanging pleasantries and gossip, or only seeing each other for certain hobbies like yoga or concerts. These friendships are great, and we all need them. But what i've found immense benefit in is having friends you can talk to about really big, messy, and complicated feelings. Friends that don't try and fix your problem, but instead let you talk it all through. It's the friends that message you and say "How are you?" or "How's your day?" and you can give a truly honest response to. The friendships I have like this are a two way street, and we talk honestly about each others feelings. Don't worry if you don't have any of these types of friendships, as in time you'll find your people.
3. A mental health shopping list
I'm bad at spending money. Not as in i'm an impulsive spender and can't keep it, but more that I'm a bit of an anxious person who likes to be in control, and who struggles to spend money on things that benefit her, just because. I've got a list on my phone of simple things that I like that i should always allow myself to buy because i'll know it will help me feel better. A lot of true self care can be ugly - working through your trauma, standing firm on your boundaries, moving on, but sometimes it is just about treating yourself to a bunch of flowers.
My list:
- Fresh Flowers
-Takeaway coffee
-catching up with a friend
-a magazine
-make up or skincare that you use every day
-healthy food
4. "This too shall pass"
The wonderful and horrible thing about our time on earth is the thing that never changes. It's the fact that, eventually, everything changes. I'm grown enough now to know that the sadness won't stay forever, even if in the mist of the fog it feels like this time is going to be different. I remind myself in situations that things won't always be this way - not just in my head, but in my friendships, family, finances, employment.. I think about childhood me sometimes to fully put this into practise. I couldn't imagine my life being the way it is now, because life is too vast and too filled with possibilities to even come up with how things could look now, or how exactly they'll look in a year, 5 or 10. Things change, for good and for bad, but they'll never be exactly the same.
5. Harvey
I know this one may feel like a cheat, because not everyone can just go out and get a dog. (Well you probably can, but whether you should is something different) I'd wanted to get a dog since i moved out 6 years ago, but the timing just wasn't right. Being out the house at work full time didn't feel fair, so I waited and was prepared to wait a whole while longer, until I was able to fulfil my dream. Lockdown arrived, and a few months in my employer at the time announced that they'd be moving to home working part of the time on a permanent basis so i finally took the plunge and rescued a mad mixed breed from Hungary. He's crazy, eats anything he can find, and typically loves my husband more than he'll ever love me, but I wouldn't change him for the world. Having a pet is so rewarding, but also stabilising. I have to get some fresh air, even when i don't want to, because I know he needs his walk. I have to get out of bed, because he needs feeding or some time in the garden. He's really great at politely forcing me to do the things that make feel better.
Do you have any top tips or routines that sustain you?